Weapon of Choice – Depression

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This was one of my weapons of choice last year, while in the depths of depression and want my life to be over. It’s interesting that I choose this chocolate because of the popping candy. See I had it in my mind that death from illness caused from poor eating was a socially acceptable way to die. I wouldn’t feel so bad about leaving my children behind, because I would have died from an illness and not my own hands. The only thing that stopped me from ending my life was the thought that I didn’t want my children to think they weren’t enough. Anyway I would eat at least one if these a day, and the interesting thing was this particular one would make me smile because of the popping as you eat it. I call this time of my life a “decision deferred”. I deferred the final conclusion for another day and I’m so glad I did! That deferred decision allowed me the time I needed to start the grieving, healing and let some of the hormonal confusion to drop away, so that I could think more clearly. So my fight could kick in and I could start this journey of fighting and taking control of life again.

In case you might have missed it, my depression and PTSD developed from the situation that happened when I survived the birth of my 7th baby, where I had complete placenta previa, placental abruption and an undiagnosed percreta. You can read my story here. If you have or are suffering from depression please feel free to use my contact form to send me a message or post a comment below showing your support and encouragement.

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