Ouch moments – Life after Hysterectomy

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Ouch moments!

That is what I call them.  They are the moments when you feel the pain from life after having your fertility taken away to save your life.  I lost my uterus after the delivery of my 7th baby. While many think that 7 is more than enough babies, I would have liked to be able to have more. There are many reminders in life that bring the feelings crushing back that we can’t have more children.  One of which I experienced yesterday.

I was having a lovely afternoon swimming and having a bbq with my family and friends. I was cooking at the bbq wearing my bather (swimming) top and some shorts. I’m working on my weight but I’m still over weight so have a belly. When a pregnant lady walked past me.

And then I saw it….

She was looking at me to check if I was pregnant.

I have seen the look before and I have done the look before. I think it is one of those things you do when you’re pregnant, looking to see who else around you has a secret life growing inside.

There is the OUCH…. I wanted to scream, cry and run away, all at the same time.

I wanted to scream…. “I wish I could”, I’ve dreamed I was, and woke to realise it was just a dream, and heartbreak happens again.

There are so many emotional that you go through when you have a hysterectomy in a situation like mine. Even those that hadn’t planned on having more children can experience the grief of losing the choice. Losing fertility is only some of the grief. For many it can feel like they have lost there womanhood, lost control over your body and emotions as your hormones are all out of balance as your body tries to cope with the trauma, some are pushed into early menopause which can be more challenging with you are in your 20’s & 30’s.

I don’t have any solutions to the ouch moments. I guess they are just a part of my new life that I have to deal with.  I know hiding the pain isn’t the answer. Allowing yourself to grieve, which can take a long time.  I know ladies that are still grieving aspect of there new/old life 5 -10 years later, as situations arise.

Grief is a natural emotion for us to feel when we have lost somethings or someone. In my case, it’s that lost of expecting again, the joy of knowing a new little person is growing, then getting to met them and learn who they are.

If you have experienced this pain and need to talk, share your grief your welcome to leave me a comment or send me and email, just use the contact form and I will get back to you.

Blessings

Christina.

 

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8 Responses

  1. Trish says:

    I haven’t had a hysterectomy but I’m considering it after Breast cancer. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
    I felt that ouch moments when we couldn’t conceive – I was very close to asking for a hysterectomy in my early 30’s and unexplained infertility month after month giving me grief.

  2. Ann says:

    I kinda feel your pain. We’re struggling to have kids and the Ouch moments of seeing pregnant women are almost too many to count. I am so sorry to hear this choice has been taken from you. Sending you lots of hugs. xx

  3. Larissa says:

    Firstly, Wow! 7 kids! Secondly, I can’t even imagine how you feel. You clearly love having children in your life. Thankyou for sharing your story! xx

  4. oh Christina, my heart goes out to you. Much love xxxx

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